I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
