They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
