two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
