Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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