the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
