Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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