i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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