capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
