You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
