i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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