i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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