I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
