how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Randomize
