I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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