why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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