we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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