Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
