He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I lost the right to judge tonight
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
