He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
