I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
