My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
