so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
