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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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