I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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