He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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