There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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