tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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