You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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