good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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