the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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