I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
