bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
