Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
sex in a hospital.. check
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
