she woke up with a sticky ear
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My ass is underappreciated
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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