Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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