I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
