just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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