When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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