new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
