dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
