I CAN MOONWALK!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
