Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
