I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
