I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
