Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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