his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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