Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This house was built for laser tag.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
