im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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