Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
