she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
