but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
