I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
