So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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