i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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