New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
