I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
