I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
