Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
foreskin is a definite game changer
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
