Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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