Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
