So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
