I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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