I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
